ENGL 501 Hypertext Essay

(css: "font-size: 200%")[[Uncanny Valley]] Grace Murray (enchant:?passage,(text-colour:#e0d9d2))

(enchant:?passage,(text-colour:#e0d9d2))I scroll back to the top of the Wiki-How article to read it more carefully after taking in the pictures corresponding to each step. Mom chatters to my older sister about something or other in the kitchen next to the school room, pans clattering. I've opened an [[incognito]] window on the family desktop browser for this research. I'm not sure why. I think it's because deep down, I understand the ridiculousness of my question; everyone else seems to automatically know [["How to Smile"]] without research or practice. I stare into the bathroom mirror that night, the sharp mint grit fresh on my tongue, cheeks damp and [[eyes]] red-rimmed from facial cleansing and maybe something else too. I pull my lips back into a smile, squinting slightly to crinkle the corners into [[crows->yellow]] feet. "Do this a few times per day and make adjustments until you’re satisfied with your smile." Am I satisfied yet? <img src="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/black-white-studio-portrait-young-600nw-1754348111.jpg">

(enchant:?passage,(text-colour:#e0d9d2)) I only eat poison. Maybe that's why friends dry up like morning dew, why I seem to be coated in some kind of repellant that seeps into my bloodstream and makes its home in my uncanny [[eyes]]. Bright like uranium veins. Maybe they can smell it on me.

(enchant:?passage,(text-colour:#e0d9d2)) I remember to point my feet toward the person who's speaking. This communicates that I value what they have to say. I learned that from the internet researching body language cues a few years ago. A laugh tumbles from mouth to mouth in the circle of conversation. I didn't hear what was so funny. [[The noise is blurry]]. I shove a laugh out to match, miscalculating the wideness of my lips. Too loud, they glanced, too late too. File that note for later.

(enchant:?passage,(text-colour:#e0d9d2))I think I understand (link: "how to smile")[(goto-url: 'https://www.wikihow.com/Smile')] now. Does it look natural? Does it look normal? Can you tell it's not? Can you tell [[I'm not]]?

<img src="https://st.depositphotos.com/1021868/3088/i/450/depositphotos_30881303-stock-photo-touching-the-mystery.jpg"> (enchant:?passage,(text-colour:#e0d9d2))Borrowed skin stretched over automaton frame, Muscles sculpted from unkilned clay, A form decided by the hour and the need, A lurching and combrous attempt at [[mimicry]]. It paints by numbers across its features To adorn, to fit, to speak without words The [[settled script]] that knits the tapestry Of performance, relatable, palatable imagery. But the human-like reflection goes noticed, Warped, inescapable not-quite-right-ness, A [[repellant]] to those who would venture to meet The being ever wandering an uncanny valley.

The yellow haze of light pouring from the ceiling of my family's kitchen starts to buzz. I squint, trying to filter the glow through the screen of my lashes, even as my ears begin to ring. The high-pitched tone joins the droning buzz of the electricity trickling down the walls. My mom laughs at something my sister said. I missed it. The yellow is piercing my retinas now, pulsing, burning. My skin feels too tight. Taking a deep breath, I rest my chin in my hands, elbows on the countertop. I subtly press my fingertips into my ears to muffle the buzzing [[yellow]]. My ears still ring. Breathing is becoming more difficult now, like a sandbag was dropped on my chest. My sister is saying something again as she adds the wet ingredients of the cookie dough to the dry ones, and //oh no, she's going to turn on the hand mixer.//

//Why don't they ever put pictures of the food on menus anymore?// I scroll through the restaurant's webpage in the parking lot, engine idling, searching for any clues as to how I should order when I get inside. I have everything else planned out. I'll walk to the green side door, not the front doors that lead into the bar area, so the dining room host will easily see me. The handle sticks. Don't [[pause]], just remember it opens easier with a hefty shove if the knob turns //left.// I'll say, "I'm meeting my family here, they should already be in the dining area." The host will probably say, "That's fine, go ahead in." If they don't say that, they'll probably say something like "Do you already know where they're seated?" To which I'll reply, "Yes, I'll go ahead in, thank you!" The dining area layout is a horseshoe. The aged carpet will dull the thud of my footsteps until I hit the creaky wooden boards by the first right turn. My family's table should be at the end of the second right turn, by the tall windows overlooking the parking lot, shaded by dark wood blinds angled slightly upwards. "~~Hello!~~ ~~Hi!~~ Hey!" I'll smile wider here, wave. //Should I wave with one hand or both?// "How's everyone? I'm so glad we got a table by the windows!" The menu //with no pictures// will already be at my seat. Which [[seat at the table]] is mine? If I'm by the window on either side I'll have to climb around the other chairs to reach it. If I'm coming late people will probably save me a seat closer to the end of the table furthest from the wall, but the waiter will take my order sooner than everyone else if that's the case, so I really should decide before I get there what to order. Who will I be sitting near? Will they know I'm [["picky"]] or will they poke fun at my order? That might not be an issue if I don't order from the children's menu, but I'll have to decide before I sit down or the waiter will come too soon and I'll be caught off guard. I wish the menu had pictures. It'd be so much easier to decide if it gave me an idea of what each dish would look like. Do the chicken wings have crunchy or soft breading? Are the french fries thick wedges or thin? Does the pasta have little green parsley flakes in the sauce, or is the texture smooth? Maybe I'll just— "Hi there, what can I get for you this evening?"

My palate is beige. Mom says I will die early. [[It is what it is]]. <img src="https://st4.depositphotos.com/28578506/40916/i/450/depositphotos_409169614-stock-photo-panda-eats-bamboo-black-background.jpg">

(link: "DSM-5 Criteria for Autism Spectrum Disorder")[(goto-url: 'https://depts.washington.edu/dbpeds/Screening%20Tools/DSM-5%28ASD.Guidelines%29Feb2013.pdf')] * RADS-R score: 133. Theshold: 126. * CAT-Q score: 142. Theshold: 100. * AQ score: 33. Theshold: 26. * RBQ-2A score: 41. Theshold: 26 Self-administered. Peer-reviewed. Self-contained.

<img src="https://w0.peakpx.com/wallpaper/365/983/HD-wallpaper-autumn-leaves-red-autumn-stone-rock-orange-texture-skin-leaf-toamna.jpg" width="850"> My legs pull me from the sidewalk and into the lawn in front of Hamilton Smith Hall. I'm going to be late for class, but I can't help but pause for the little yellow treasures dappling the browning grass. I scan the ground, for the perfect one until I spot it: no blemishes, the size of my palm, a beautiful buttery glow. I set my bag on the damp earth and pull out my notebook, half full of meticulous class notes, half full of other leaves I picked up on the way from the parking lot. I set the yellow treasure beside the rest, arranged to press perfectly until I can get home later. My husband will come home from work today to find it on his desk in all its sweetness, carefully flattened to preserve its color and shape. He'll find a dozen more before the fall season finishes, and he'll keep every single one. I come home from class exhausted, the draining day sapping the energy from my bones and my mind. Sluggish, I enter the bedroom and my eyes crinkle at the corners as I notice the nightstand. A pretty pink seashell rests next to a black stone, flat and glittering with mica. He had been filming at the beach where he proposed to me yesterday, pocketing two little treasures for me to find; like two crows collecting trinkets for one another. He knows me so well.

Look into their pupils now. One. Two. Three. Four. They contract as mid-morning sunlight filters through the window behind me into the café. Somewhere else now; glance at the mug. The bottom of the tulip latte art is distorted, pulled to the sipping point at the mug's edge. Back to their face. Eyes. One. Two. Three. Four. Forehead—no wait, that makes people self-conscious. Don't look there. Look at their medusa piercing instead. The opal blue gemstone matches their fading hair dye. They ask me if I've finished the library book I checked out last week yet. As I answer, I can't control the way my eyes float around the room, landing anywhere but straight ahead of me. I can't look at their face while I'm talking. I feel like I've been talking for a long time. Should I pause? Try pausing. Look into their pupils again. One. Two. Three. Four. [[God, I'm tired->pause]]. <img src="https://originaldiving.d3r.site/images/spotlight2x/559055-istock-1476341789.jpg">

<img src="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/check-list-on-blackboard-macro-600nw-1229839261.jpg"> Things that haven't worked to change myself: * Exposure therapy * DBT Therapy * Talk therapy * Masking traits * Grinning and bearing it Enter ideas for improvement: (force-input-box:"=XX=","Remain infinitely myself.")

(align:"<==")+(box:"XXX==")[Signs of (link: "autistic burnout:")[(goto-url: 'https://neurodivergentinsights.com/autistic-burnout-symptoms/')] * Skill regression * Chronic exhaustion * Reduced tolerance to stimuli * Increased mental health issues * Decreased executive functioning * Decreased emotional regulation * Difficulty adapting to change] I can feel myself burning out. (text-style:"buoy")[[[Recover->comforts]]] or (text-style:"buoy")[[[Keep going->pause]]]

I am a creature of habit; I always return to the same place. I sit on the right side of the car's backseat. I sit at the left hand corner of the dining table. I lay on the right side of the bed. I sit on the right side of the couch. In every house, every home, these little things remain constant. My nature resists change, even as the world's currents contort and shift directions beside me. I have my familiar [[comforts]] amidst it all.

<img src="https://media.istockphoto.com/id/182447759/photo/falling-dominoes.jpg?s=612x612&w=0&k=20&c=1x6U_z2ipL9p2EG6Mz6YWd187Ejfj3Iw48ZgdeHFQu0="> "Want to watch it again?" * Gilmore Girls watches: 40+ * Treasure Planet watches: 30+ * She-Ra and the Princesses of Power watches: 20+ * BBC Merlin watches: 30+ * Avatar the Last Airbender watches: 30+ * Steven Universe watches: 15+ * The Road to El Dorado watches: 20+ * The Owl House watches: 20+ * The Prince of Egypt watches: 15+ * Infinity Train watches: 5+ * Lilo and Stitch watches: 10+ * Doctor Who watches: 5+