a meal (?)

*a meal (?)* is a serious depiction of an eating disorder. If you are struggling at all please be aware that there may be some triggering components in this piece. While this piece is a depiction of an eating disorder, it is only of one and there are many eating disorders that people may be struggling with. Keep in mind this is a serious topic and while this piece may not be completely accurate, it still touches upon heavy topics. Thank you for reading. [[Begin.]]

You are a ten year old female getting ready for the day. You get dressed and then you hear your mother call you down for lunch. Its Saturday, and you felt [[extra exhausted]] when you woke up this morning, and decided to sleep in. ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯ What do you do? (css: "text-decoration: line-through") + (text-color: red) [Go downstairs and attempt to eat lunch...] [[Tell your mom that you have homework, and will eat later...]] [[Decide it may be a better idea to get back in bed...]]

Huh? Thats odd, you usually get up earlier. You wonder whats changed.

You tell your mother you have homework, and while that is not quite a lie, it is not fully true. You decide to hang out in your room for a few hours and act as if you are doing homework, but in reality you are not. You are concerned what your mother may think about your sudden dismissal of lunch, but you decide to ignore that nagging feeling. ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯ Hours later you [[leave your room..]]

You ignore your moms calls for lunch, and crawl back in bed even though you have already changed. While laying in bed you start to lose yourself in [[your mind]] while thinking about what you should do with the rest of your day. ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯ What should you do today? [[Lay in bed all day, and only interact with your family when needed...]] [[Leave bed and decide to talk to your mother...]]

You stay in bed, and barley talk to [[your family]] unless they talk to you first. It seems they are started to get concerned, but you push that aside and fall asleep to the sound of your thoughts. ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯ Hours later you [[wake up...]]

You walk downstairs and you make eye contact with your mother. She seems concerned and asks once again if you want lunch. However, you dismiss her proposal, and say you are [[not hungry]]. Your mind is racing with all kinds of thoughts, and you wonder if you should open up to your mother about what your thinking. ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯ What do you do? (css: "text-decoration: line-through") + (text-color: red) [Ignore your racing thoughts, and try to carry on with a normal conversation...] [[Decide it may be best to open up to your mother...]] [[Walk away...]]

You leave your room, and start to think that it may be a good idea to talk to your mother about what your feeling, however you are worried she won't understand you. Although you realize that no matter what she will understand. ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯ What do you do? (css: "text-decoration: line-through") + (text-color: red) [Stay silent...] [[Decide it may be best to open up to your mother...]]

You wake up and decide it may be best to open up to your mother about how your feeling. ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯ [[Decide it may be best to open up to your mother...]]

After all of your racing thoughts come to a head you decide to talk to your mother how you are feeling. You tell her that you are afraid to eat food, as you think it may make you sick. Your mother tries to understand your concern, but is a little lost. You tell your mother that you are concerned with the amount of weight you have lost. Your mother agrees and you together decide it might be best to talk to a doctor. ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯ [[Later you and your mother leave for the doctor...]]

Driving to the doctor you have no idea what to expect when you get there. You are nervous, and hopeful at the same time. Your mother keeps looking over at you with quite a few emotions written all over her face. ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯ [[You arrive at the doctor...]]

Why? How? When? Where?

Why are you not eating? You are acting [[dramatic]].

Dramatic? Is that even the right word? You don't know, because you really don't even understand yourself right now.

You have [[one sister]], and [[two brothers]]. All are older than you by quite a few years. Along with your siblings, you also have your mother and father, and a few pets.

You are very close to your sister. She's the one who takes care of you when your mother is working, and your father is away. She is your protector, and will speak her mind in any situation. She understands what you are going through, but is still nervous to speak to you about it.

You have two brothers. You are close to them, but not in the same way you are close to your sister. Honestly, they are confused on why you are not eating, they seem to not understand. However, they do try to be helpful but seem to fall short.

Your mother checks you in at the front desk, and she briefly explains what is going on to the nurse. You notice the nurse looking you up and down, and then she says something your mother, and you then feel your mothers concerned gaze on you. What are they saying? [[Is this a mistake?]] ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯ [[Only a few mintues later, a different nurse comes and takes you and your mother to a room...]]

You decide to walk away from your mother, and you can feel her eyes on your back but you keep walking. Unsure of where to go, you end up going back to your room. When you walk in your room you see [[your cat]] on your bed, and you decide to join her and give her some pets. For whatever reason you start talking to your cat about what your feeling as if she would understand, but at least she can't disagree. After venting to your cat you seem to have a [[revelation]].

If you can talk to your cat about your feelings, how hard could it be to talk to your mother? You are unsure, but decide to talk to your mother. ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯ [[Decide it may be best to open up to your mother...]]

Once in the room you truly realize how serious this situation is as nurses and doctors are all around you taking different vitals. Your mother is sitting in a chair off to the side just watching you with a concerned expression. While the doctors and nurses were in your room they also took your blood, and said that it is important they know what is happening inside your body due to how little you had eaten. Finally, your test results come back and the doctor states that you will need to stay in the hospital for quite a while in order to gain back all the nutrition you lost. You now truly realize the severity of the situation, but you also realize that this may be the beginning of your recovery. ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯ [[Recovery...]]

Thank you again for reading. It is important to note that recovery can look different for everyone depending on their situation. Here you saw one example of an eating disorder and were it lead you. Unfortunately, some endings are different than the one you saw here. If you are struggling with anything please try and seek help as you don't have to go through it alone. Use the following phone number to seek help with recovery related to an eating disorder. 1 (866) 662-1235 ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯ [[Credits.]]

Your cat is always there when you need her. It's as if she can tell that you are struggling. She is always up for cuddles, and loves to rub her head against your hand and even sometimes your face. She is like a small light inside your darkness.

You know this is not a mistake, you are just very scared and don't know what to expect. You seem to know somewhere in the back of your mind that this is the right decision even if its scary.

Created by: Kira Littlefield for ENGL 693.L01 at the University of New Hampshire